One of these days...

I keep trying to mentally prepare myself to write about burying my dad.  I make it to only a few paragraphs before breaking down.  I still haven't fully accepted my dad  not being here.  Now that it has been a few weeks since I have been home from MN, the reality of life has slowly settled in.  My dad is gone.  I don't have the preparations of his funerals, or a trip up North to keep my mind occupied.  I have had to start moving on, even though it has been excruciating.  And with that being said, these last few weeks have been the hardest emotionally and mentally of my 28 years.  Part of me lies to myself and tells me I shouldn't have been as close to my dad as I was.  That way it wouldn't be so painful.  But then I wouldn't have the memories, that as of right now, undo me, but in time, I will be able to reflect and smile of the truly amazing dad I was blessed enough to have.  With the holidays approaching, I start to think back to last Christmas.  Dad was perfectly healthy.  I can't believe I won't have another Christmas with him.  I put myself back celebrating the end of 2010.  Dad was probably chasing Jack around while making him laugh hysterically.  How selfish we are to assume life will continually go on and we will get month after month of good health and happiness.  We are human.  Cancer showed its ugly face and only seven months later it murdered my dad.  I will never get him back.  I will never have another holiday with him.  Never take for granted the time God as given you with your loved ones.  Cherish every second, because when that loved one is gone, it hurts like hell.

This is dad, with Jaidyn on Halloween 2010.  Never in a million years did we imagine he wouldn't have been here for Halloween 2011.